16 August 2013 - 10:15 AM
I've been a psychology obsessed human since before I knew how to spell psychology or what it meant... mainly I've always wanted to help people and understand why some do the things they do, or don't do. That being said, i'll continue my rant so I can get to the important part...
As I usually do when I'm constantly thinking and can't sleep (which happens just about every night) I was "surfing the web" earlier... having Facebook open on the side as per usual. So I click on facebook to see if anything remotely interesting is going on... and long story short, I wound up reading on my local news station's facebook page about a disturbing story; 19 year old female sexually abused a girl under 16 years of age.
Needless to say the whole thing enraged me and some of the comments didn't help to calm down my She-Hulk reaction... so the whole thing sent me on a seeing-red research frenzy. I went to Google something that I Google every few months or so to see if the U.S. has opened it's eyes to a growing epidemic; child on child sexual abuse. Google came up with only a few more search results than the last time I searched... but a few more nonetheless
I found out years ago that child on child sexual abuse existed, before I even had a computer... that being said I've been trying to spread awareness for prevention for a long time, but a subject like this is hard to explain without resources to help... I've been trying to spread awareness for prevention of sexual abuse in GENERAL since I got my first large sized desktop computer and going on message boards, before the social media outbreak... and as much awareness as I would try to spread, people would just turn a blind eye... so explaining that other children could be a danger, especially to adults who aren't willing to believe that their child could be molested by another child... not an easy task, with or without resources to help you explain. Some people pull the "it's just child exploration!" card but it's not... there's a fine line between "healthy developmental child exploration" and "child on child sexual abuse"... and a simple Wikipedia search will confirm that for anyone who is just too selfish and stubborn to believe it.
"Children who were sexually victimized by other minors, including inter-sibling abuse, show largely the same problems as children victimized by adults, including anxiety disorders, depression,substance abuse, suicide, eating disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, sleep disorders and difficulty trusting peers in the context of relationships. The victim often has distorted beliefs about what happened to them, sometimes even thinking they were the initiator or that they went through the act voluntarily" - http://en.wikipedia....ld_sexual_abuse
The sad fact of the matter is that sexual abuse exists, no matter how old the abuser is... I feel like General Psychology as well as Developmental Psychology/Child Psychology should be a required subject in high school at the LATEST because people are WAY too passive about the subject of sexual abuse... I know it's a devastating subject but the most devastating part of it is the fact that IT EXISTS. If it is not talked about then how can we prevent it and potentially save a child from being victimized?
now that it's 6:03 AM and i'm too tired and upset to even really form anymore words... I'm going to post a few links with resources as well as warning signs, symptoms, and prevention suggestions to help prevent sexual abuse and protect children... never be afraid to help a child, even if their parents won't... never let society convince you that it's "not your place"... it is EVERYONE'S place to protect those who can't protect themselves...
"Stop It Now! Child-On-Child Sexual Abuse; Recognizing Signs And Traits & Preventing Sexual Abuse Among Children And Youth"
"Child Sexual Abuse; 'What Is Child Sexual Abuse?' Overview, Recognizing The Problem, Prevention, Treatment & Resources"
Anyone who has read all of this, thank you... and please spread as much awareness as possible...
(And as it turns out, I failed in making this any shorter than it was before... oye...so to anyone who read all of this, i'm gonna go ahead and thank you x2)
If anyone has any questions or anything of the sort, i'm here to help out.
04 September 2013 - 07:05 AM
About 10 years ago, my younger sister (by three years) shared with me that a friend of mine from the neighborhood sexually abused her repeatedly for a couple of years when we were children. This would happen when he would sleep over and apparently while I slept. This was after I had spent 13 years as a substance abuse/psychiatric therapist. I cried when we hung up- she couldn't tell me f2f. I felt responsible for not protecting my baby sister. She was not blaming me only sharing that she had done extensive therapeutic work on this issue and she wanted me to know as to open a dialogue so we could both heal for I had been abused through deception. She has been able to forgive him and is living a productive life. I have an Ice Pick with his brain stem written on it. I will never forgive. I will never forget.
As a therapist for patients whose lives were destroyed or nearly so by Substance abuse/addiction I was quick to learn from experience and study that sexual abuse is the genesis for the pain many addicts are numbing. With female patients I would say 70+% of my patients were abused/raped. Of my male patients 1/3 reported abuse (I suspect the percentage is higher due to male socialization.) And the numbers are reciprocal for substances being present/involved with victims' initial abuse.
The sexualization of children is rampant in the media. Hell even the sight of adults with shaved pubic areas makes me a bit nauseous. Looks too much like a child to me. But that's me. Guess I'm old and cynical and still pissed @ HDA in NT.
Oh BTW I am a recovering Alcoholic - my abuse was physical and bullying and I have resolved that. Since 1988 20 of those years have been sober- I did relapse when sis told me of this but I am going on seven years sober this time around
"(When/If) You come at the King, you best not miss"- Omar Little
04 September 2013 - 09:04 AM
Thing is you say never forgive, never forget.
I feel sorry for you. To carry that weight for a long time is going to eventually wear you down and bring you back to square one. You're shaking your head and disagreeing with me at the moment but trust me. It has torn people down and it will; unless you let go of it and let... well you know the rest.
Our society sets the norm for what is alright and what is not in this country. Our laws say this is okay and this is not okay. At present we say it's not okay to sexualize children. Rightly so. The long term ramifications of child abuse are only just now coming to light... as far as the victims go.
For a few years I interned at a Specialized Abuse Treatment Center. My work was with the perpetrators not the victims. It was a great learning experience and taught me much about my own childhood and subsequent alcoholism. I did learn about the perps who were court-ordered to attend these therapy sessions or survive in prison (where child molesters are THE bottom of the totem pole and typically receive "special" attention from their fellow inmates.
If people think child molesters are remorseless monsters and always on the prowl for their next victim, then they're partially wrong.
Like an alcoholic/drug/gambling/food/sex addict they go through cycles which includes a deep seated feeling of guilt and shame that usually comes around at some point in their day to day lives. However like their fellow addicts they will feel the pain and seek diligently to relieve themselves of it. Seeking the next drink, fix, victim.
Understand I do not condone these people, not trying to defend them but I do suggest understanding them a bit more helps.
I've personally seen these men break down once they've accepted the full 100% accountability for their crime(s). Some do recover and never offend again. Others last for a while (years) and then they forget the things they were taught during their therapies and eventually their cycle starts all over and another child is hurt. I'm of mind that there should never be a second chance at redemption.
For those who not only raped/molested the child but also murdered them.... I support the death penalty. Murdering a child should never be punished by life imprisonment. Sex and sexualizing a child should fall under the death penalty as well.
but that's just me.
69% of the people find something dirty in everything they read. http://http://www.gofundme.com/c66cv4
05 September 2013 - 07:52 AM
Absolutely. Thank you, this is something that just... boggles my mind, they get a slap on the wrist and continue to victimize, and the system is somehow so shocked by this...
I'm of mind that there should never be a second chance at redemption.
@DaneBramage; That is a lot of difficulties to go through... i'm sorry, I think the only thing worse than being sexually abused yourself is finding out one of your closest loved ones went through it... i'm really happy to hear that you and your sister are doing OK now, though. I know how hard it is... I really respect you for being able to turn your life around and help those who need it most, that goes for DeadCave as well.
It's still hard for me to talk about all of what I went through growing up and being sexually abused, and I commend you both DaneBramage and DeadCave for being able to speak about your own personal experiences with it, among everything else (alcohol addiction, etc etc) which I've also suffered from... I can't say i'm surprised at the number of women who abuse alcohol and substances stemming from past abuse, I know what that's like. I'm sure the eating disorder percentages are through the roof as well.
And to DaneBramage and DeadCave; A LOT of respect for your sobriety... congratulations. Any time I hear stories of sobriety it's an inspiration to me.
As for the aspect of forgiveness, it's difficult. I've tried everything there is to forgive and let go, but I suppose maybe it has to happen on it's own, naturally... because I really have tried. I know it's unhealthy to harbor that kind of hate inside and I know it affects me and it affects everyone in my life, so that's something I've been working on for over a decade... still a work in progress...
DeadCave; I have to say, I give you a lot of credit for working with the victimizers... I'm a very empathetic person and I've always wanted to work in psychology, but that's one thing I could never do...
In conclusion to this reply, I truly believe anyone who victimizes a child should get the death penalty. A life for a life. When you sexually abuse a child, you take that child's life away... you take everything away from them. And for that, the death penalty is more than deserved.
I don't feel like these predators can be compared to addicts... for the sole reason that when addicts use, it's normally for a reason... and you're not ruining a child's life in the process. As determined as addicts are to get their next fix, the consequences still briefly flash through our minds in the process before using again...
These predators aren't addicted to it, they're selfish and manipulative, and they know what they're doing... they break down eventually when facilitated because when living in the world, they purposefully repress the knowledge of what their doing while living their day to day life, so when they are forced to confront what they are doing... I would hope they would break down to the point of blood vessels almost popping. But make no mistake, they know what they are doing while they are doing it...
If any of these predators actually cared about the fact that they are forever ruining an innocent child's life, they would go straight to a hospital for a mental health evaluation before doing any damage... but that's just my 2 cents...
From my own experiences and experiences that loved ones also have gone through, I have less than 0 empathy or sympathy for these vermin... but I truly do commend you for being able to intern in such an environment, because I could absolutely never do it.
06 September 2013 - 10:10 PM
I am trying to let this deal go. I have been praying for the willingness to forgive. I am a member in decent standing in AA and this has been an unusually difficult resentment. I was on a roll on the "never..." thing. I was also quoting a certain group of digital renegades and freedom fighters who will also remain anonymous ;P. I am a pretty laid-back kinda guy.
"(When/If) You come at the King, you best not miss"- Omar Little