#26
18 April 2013 - 06:46 PM
#27
18 April 2013 - 07:35 PM
#28
18 April 2013 - 08:05 PM
as i stated above about my mom having a conniption about not giving her a granddaughter even though she has all together 6 grandkids 4 boys 2 girls
crazy lady
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#29
18 April 2013 - 08:11 PM
mexican culture is very bad about this, if you aint married and popping kids out....your parents will be on your ass about it.
as i stated above about my mom having a conniption about not giving her a granddaughter even though she has all together 6 grandkids 4 boys 2 girls
crazy lady
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
I feel ya, OMEN. Hubby is Portuguese and his mother was not vocal about it but she hates that we didn't give her grandchildren (or hated as she died 1 year ago on the 15th). She has 15 grandchildren but the fact that her baby boy didn't give her one bothered her, even though he did from a previous relationship actually. She wanted to see a grandchild from US. Damn Catholics, they're brutal, I tell ya.
#30
18 April 2013 - 10:31 PM
Seriously tho live and let live, and try not to be judgemental of other's personal choices. It's not selfish to have children or not have children in general unless the decision was made specifically for a selfish reason.
http://nythe-scorpious.blogspot.ca/
#31
19 April 2013 - 01:46 AM
My motto in life is to practice tolerance. Such a simple statement but can you imagine this world, if everyone was more tolerant of people's lifestyle choices?
Yes; I try to be tolerant of small-minded, intolerant people.
The question of whether or not to have children is a personal choice. I don't understand why so many people think it is acceptable to give their opinion on someone's private business, when they haven't been asked. Especially, complete strangers.
#32
19 April 2013 - 01:57 AM
#33
19 April 2013 - 02:01 AM
#34
19 April 2013 - 11:34 AM
#35
19 April 2013 - 12:24 PM
#36
19 April 2013 - 04:23 PM
One of the most hurtful things I ever experienced concerning this issue was, more or less, being called "damaged" because I don't want children.
I was raised in a Catholic family (albeit, a very non-practicing one in many ways. The "faith" was there, but not so much the actions to back it up). Chalk it up to a poor education about the religion I was raised to follow, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I learned that if you do not want children, you may not be married within the church. I knew the Catholic church was pro-life. I knew it was, officially, against contraception. Obviously, add those two rules together and you've got a very likely formula for babymaking. That said, to be completely honest, I never thought too deeply on the subject (because it wasn't the first time I found myself uncomfortable or disagreeing). I assumed the reasoning behind the "no contraception" law was founded on archaic principles, or enforced as an extra deterrent for pre-marital sex (It's bad to use contraception, so it's DOUBLY bad to sleep around with someone you're not married to! You might end up with an "illegitimate" kid!).
Then one day, at a cafe, I was near a group of people who were discussing marriage. At one point, they were talking about some (admittedly, intentionally) childless couple, and something was said along the lines of, "Well, the purpose of marriage is children." And then it hit: "God created us to love and procreate. No one is made to not want kids. Anyone who doesn't want children is damaged."
Now, as I'm typing this, I don't really know how to put how I felt at that time into words... My best friends are an atheist, an agnostic, and a Baptist. When I told them about this, I got a universal, "That's bullshit." It was easy to laugh it off in their company, but when I was by myself, the words were still under my skin. If you're atheist and reading this, you're probably getting a chuckle, feeling disgusted, or rolling your eyes at all of this. I wouldn't blame you. There are a lot of things I've disagreed with and experienced that have disillusioned and distanced me from what I was raised to believe. That said, it still hurts to hear, "Hey, that big family that you're always told you're a part of? Turns out they think you're damaged because of your choices."
I worked overseas in Japan for a while. While there, I got my share of negative discrimination as well as positive. Any time something less pleasant happened, I always thought to myself, "Wow... so this is the barest sliver of what some people have to go through their entire life back home." In this case, it was the same. It was like the tinest, most infinitesimal peek at what people who victims of religious discrimination, of any kind, must go through.
I felt wounded. And so, when I brought the topic up around a couple of people (all of whom are atheists) a bit later, I was hoping to get some joking at religious extremists' expense to soften the remaining bad feelings. Instead, their replies were a collective, "Most married couples who don't want children are the products of a bad family or environment."
I felt bad. Let the subject drop. ... and after a while, the more I thought about it, the more pissed I got.
You see, here's the thing - my life is a long shot from a picture perfect upbringing. Divorce, drugs, death, alcohol, destruction and economic struggle. I wasn't a Dixon or a Peletier but I could have been a nextdoor neighbor. I can count on one hand the number of people I've revealed details of my past to offline, and it's because I'm painfully, incessantly paranoid about being judged for my past. Hard work, decent dna, and having some very loving people and encouragement in my life helped me to become who I am and keep from repeating the mistakes I and hardships I saw.
... which is why the more I thought about it, the more I became totally indignant that someone would have the nerve to slap such a bitter, negative label on me, and people like me, because of my choice not to have children. Yes, in part, how I was raised contributed to the person I've grown into. But I have never, ever thought my past was a direct cause of me not wanting children. I LOVE travel. I love living in busy, can-hardly-shoulder-your-way-through-a-crowd kind of cities. I like late nights and spontaneity and having my time be mine. And yes, perhaps that's because I lacked many of those things while growing up - but you know, I'm not so sure that I wouldn't love the same things even if I did have a Full House experience.
But even if my past is my main deterrent to having kids - why does that make me damaged? Our pasts, good or bad, have a place in shaping all of us. If we grow up to be decent people who live our lives as best we can and treat others well in the process, how can anyone call us damaged? Or selfish? Or irresponsible? Or any other insult that people arm themselves with?
Whew - alright, hell of a venting session right there, sorry about that!
The long and short of it - no one knows the reason behind your choices better than you, and that lady sounds like a butthead.
#37
19 April 2013 - 04:33 PM
#38
19 April 2013 - 06:16 PM
I hate when somebody says one little thoughtless rude remark and it sticks to your ribs. I'm really bothered by a comment on here about how anyone who brings a child into this kind of world is selfish. It left me feeling like I need to defend my daughter's existence. I try not to judge anyone's personal decisions that don't affect anyone but the decider, the original poster started this because they were sick of being judged for not having kids, so I tried to lend some kind words and a balanced view of the situation, but some of these comments are just as bad to me as a mother as the comments people get for choosing not to have children and it hurts. My daughter wasn't planned, but she was/is wanted, I am pro-choice and having my daughter was my choice, it may have been my selfish choice to keep her, but in giving her life I have given her the greatest gift and that's freewill. And I know this world is ugly but I'm preparing her for it and i'd like to think that I'm raising someone who could help the world(she is seriously the sweetest most caring and generous little person ever, how many 3 year olds would willingly give their toys to other impoverished kids?). I love my life and I love being a mom and I'm super lucky to have such an amazing kid, and my life is better because of her, everyday is magical and new and fun,without her i'd be a lot more well-rested, drunk more often and i'd have the option of moving out of Canada, so the trade is well worth it.
Anyways, just because I'm happy raising my awesome little person, doesn't mean I think everyone ought to go out and have kids so I won't look down on anyone who doesn't want kids and inturn I don't want to be criticized for my choice to bring one awesome little person into this world by someone has chosen not to.
http://nythe-scorpious.blogspot.ca/
#39
19 April 2013 - 06:26 PM
Pariahs, unite! And thank you to all on here with kids who have expressed respect and understanding.
#40
19 April 2013 - 06:28 PM
#41
19 April 2013 - 06:31 PM
At risk, you are soo not damaged! Your level head and ability to take a step back and analyze your life/society/people is a testimony to that.
I hate when somebody says one little thoughtless rude remark and it sticks to your ribs. I'm really bothered by a comment on here about how anyone who brings a child into this kind of world is selfish. It left me feeling like I need to defend my daughter's existence. I try not to judge anyone's personal decisions that don't affect anyone but the decider, the original poster started this because they were sick of being judged for not having kids, so I tried to lend some kind words and a balanced view of the situation, but some of these comments are just as bad to me as a mother as the comments people get for choosing not to have children and it hurts. My daughter wasn't planned, but she was/is wanted, I am pro-choice and having my daughter was my choice, it may have been my selfish choice to keep her, but in giving her life I have given her the greatest gift and that's freewill. And I know this world is ugly but I'm preparing her for it and i'd like to think that I'm raising someone who could help the world(she is seriously the sweetest most caring and generous little person ever, how many 3 year olds would willingly give their toys to other impoverished kids?). I love my life and I love being a mom and I'm super lucky to have such an amazing kid, and my life is better because of her, everyday is magical and new and fun,without her i'd be a lot more well-rested, drunk more often and i'd have the option of moving out of Canada, so the trade is well worth it.
Anyways, just because I'm happy raising my awesome little person, doesn't mean I think everyone ought to go out and have kids so I won't look down on anyone who doesn't want kids and inturn I don't want to be criticized for my choice to bring one awesome little person into this world by someone has chosen not to.
You are absolutely right. Those of us chiming in here without kids know what being judged and labeled is like, and we don't enjoy it. It makes me happy to hear how happy YOU are, and your little girl sounds wonderful. Different people, different choices, and that's what it's all about. I, for one, don't consider you selfish at all. I consider you a good mom. Every child deserves that.
#42
19 April 2013 - 06:39 PM
People always assume at our age we have grandchilden too. Er, we never had any kids. Hello!?
"My husband is actually my first cousin so we thought it best not to reproduce."
and if anybody says "really !?!" I'll slap you.
What made me guffaw on this one is that my father almost DID marry his 1st cousin. That's Missouri for ya!
#43
19 April 2013 - 06:48 PM
http://nythe-scorpious.blogspot.ca/
#44
19 April 2013 - 06:52 PM
#45
19 April 2013 - 06:54 PM
My rant was in regards to previous comments, not trying to bash you glass in the eye, or anyone really, just relating my own hurt at being called selfish for being a mother just like how at risk felt hurt for being called damaged bc they don't want kids. I'm sorry that suicide and addiction are so prevailent in your family.
I know you weren't bashing me. I just didn't want you to be hurt. This is such a delicate issue for both the childless and the parents. Much like religion, people's views are quite strong and both sides have been told hurtful things so nerves get struck pretty quickly. And it's ok about my fam. I'm still here and have no intention of giving up my wine or offing myself anytime soon.
#46
19 April 2013 - 07:19 PM
"Kiss your Mother goodnight, and remember that God saves."
#47
19 April 2013 - 07:21 PM
#48
19 April 2013 - 07:23 PM
#49
19 April 2013 - 07:26 PM
#50
19 April 2013 - 07:32 PM
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