#1
17 April 2013 - 02:28 PM
#2
17 April 2013 - 02:35 PM
#3
17 April 2013 - 02:44 PM
You do with your life what you want. I don't want kids either. Annoying brats.
And as some kids are annoying brats, most I know aren't. Let's not have this turn into a child bashing thread please. GDM obviously likes children, she just doesn't want any of her own. Big difference.
#4
17 April 2013 - 03:04 PM
Children are a HUGE commitment and not just for 18 years, but for the rest of your life. I wish more people would really stop and think as to whether or not they really, truly want that responsibility. We have a lot of people having kids and not taking responsibility for them. I would much rather have people like GDM, who know they don't want to deal with it, than a self-righteous woman spitting out kids but refusing to take full responsibility for them.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids. it is a personal choice. IMO, the only people judging you are the ones who have no other accomplishments except their kids. If her kids are her only accomplishment, what else has she done with her life? Doesn't that just make her breeding stock? Aren't we more advanced than that?
And I'm not bashing women who are stay-at-home moms. I'm just saying that the stay-at-home moms I know that are happy and whole people also have other hobbies and interests that they draw satisfaction and self-esteem from doing. In my experience, the women who do nothing but focus on their kids are helicopter parents raising co-dependent kids. Again, just my opinion.
#5
17 April 2013 - 03:09 PM
I have one child & am often criticised for not giving my child a sibling to play with!!! So no matter what we decide, there will always be someone who will tell us we are doing the wrong thing!
#6
17 April 2013 - 03:14 PM
#7
17 April 2013 - 04:12 PM
#8
17 April 2013 - 04:49 PM
#9
17 April 2013 - 05:45 PM
I never really felt I was parental material. My wife was literally obsessed with having children even though she was no more suited to the task than me. We have three sons. I love them each dearly, and I eventually worked it out, but the learning curve was horrendous. My children were the ones who paid the price for my mistakes. Children are not just a few decades of commitment. They are a lifetime project.
I always remember what my mother said about us. She said "I wouldn't take a billion dollars for you kids, and I wouldn't give two cents for another batch just like you."
Perhaps the next time some busybody presumes to advise you on the subject you should just say "Excuse me. I know you mean well, but it's really none of your business, so perhaps you should run along and piss off." That's the beauty of freedom of speech. You can state your opinion, but the other party can tell you to stuff it.
"Kiss your Mother goodnight, and remember that God saves."
#10
17 April 2013 - 05:48 PM
#11
17 April 2013 - 05:50 PM
BWR, you are completely correct. My guy doesn't get any grief about our decision. If anything he gets claps on the back and high fives from his friends for "dodging that bullet". But me, oh I get the poop end of the stick, as if I'm not a real woman if I don't have children. So unfair. I will def take your advice into consideration, perhaps it will work. Thanks.I've never understood how people can presume to critic a woman's choice to have or not have children.. It's usually directed at women, Seems to be okay for men to have no children, but women are unfulfilled and lead a pointless existence without offspring. What a load of crap. The sheer stupidity and bad manners shown by these fools telling a woman what she should do with her body is so mind boggling to me. It's really none of their business.
I never really felt I was parental material. My wife was literally obsessed with having children even though she was no more suited to the task than me. We have three sons. I love them each dearly, and I eventually worked it out, but the learning curve was horrendous. My children were the ones who paid the price for my mistakes. Children are not just a few decades of commitment. They are a lifetime project.
I always remember what my mother said about us. She said "I wouldn't take a billion dollars for you kids, and I wouldn't give two cents for another batch just like you."
Perhaps the next time some busybody presumes to advise you on the subject you should just say "Excuse me. I know you mean well, but it's really none of your business, so perhaps you should run along and piss off." That's the beauty of freedom of speech. You can state your opinion, but the other party can tell you to stuff it.
#12
17 April 2013 - 05:53 PM
After I had Ayla, for years all I heard was "Oh you have to have more! Why don't you have more?" it was very annoying as first, who says you need more than one kid? Secondly, we had been trying but I kept on losing the pregnancies and that's not something you go around broadcasting when it happens and hearing that we should have more all the time got very old, when we were trying for one more. People need to learn to shut their mouths, I mean, what if you were a woman who is desperately trying to have children but can't, so used a comment like that to deflect the conversation?
#13
17 April 2013 - 06:22 PM
After that, get steadily more forceful. If that forceful involves a baseball bat, let me know so I can alibi you out....
This is nobody's business but that of you and your signifigant other.
(for sake of reference: I have no children of my body. My ex-wife would have been BEYOND a disaster of a mother, so I dodged that issue. I 'inherited' my son when he was 15 (and I married his mother) and went through that phase of parenting. My step-daughter was almost 30 when I married her mother, so we don't have the same relationship - but her daughter IS my Granddaughter, despite the fact that not a drop of my blood flows through her veins).
#14
17 April 2013 - 06:32 PM
The only thing I worry about is that since there is such a big age difference between me and my husband, that he will get to be my age and change HIS mind. He likes kids a lot more than I do and is really good with them, but he assures me he wants none of his own. I take him at his word because that's what I have to do, but I still worry in the back of my mind that he'll resent me someday. It's a complicated and highly PERSONAL issue that people should really stay the heck out of unless they are directly invited into conversation about it. Hang in there, GirlsDeadMonster. We're always here if you need to vent.
#15
17 April 2013 - 06:35 PM
http://nythe-scorpious.blogspot.ca/
#16
17 April 2013 - 08:12 PM
#17
17 April 2013 - 09:12 PM
69% of the people find something dirty in everything they read. http://http://www.gofundme.com/c66cv4
#18
18 April 2013 - 02:39 AM
If you ever need to vent, feel free to note me. I'll have to come back to read this thread when less tired. This is something that comes up constantly around me, so I'm curious as to what other people have to say on it.
#19
18 April 2013 - 11:43 AM
I'll be 61 soon and my husband 65 and we never wanted kids and didn't have any, at least now at our age nobody asks anymore.
but I've heard it all many times from nosy busy-body's.
"You are going to be old and lonely."
"You are selfish" which makes no sense what so ever!?! Really, it's better to pop kids out like toast, in this world. no thanks.
I've never regretted it for a second. I know quite a few other "childless by choice" people too, and we are all doing just fine and dandy.
When I was younger and people would ask if we had children...I'd do this.
Me:(sad look on my face) No, we were never able to have children.....(and I'd pause for a second so they could say)
The Buttinski: Oh I'm so sorry.
Me:...because I can't stand them.
Which isn't true, I don't mind the little nose pickers that much, but really never wanted any of them running around my house. I prefer dogs.
Crazy has come to town for a visit!!
#20
18 April 2013 - 01:13 PM
When I was younger and people would ask if we had children...I'd do this.
Me:(sad look on my face) No, we were never able to have children.....(and I'd pause for a second so they could say)
The Buttinski: Oh I'm so sorry.
Me:...because I can't stand them.
LOLOLOL
I see nothing wrong with choosing not to have children. I've only been married for 7 months and surprisingly we haven't received much pressure. At least I haven't. I know my mother-in-law has been a bit nosy. I don't think my parents give a shit because they already have 9 grandkids and on my wifes side there are only 4 grandkids for her mother. We're... sort of planning on having kids eventually, but not for a few more years at least. But to be honest if I never had kids I'd be totally okay with that. My boss never had kids and she's about 60 and her husband is 64 or 65, though he had 2 kids from a previous marriage.
Something funny that my wife wants to say to people if they ever ask, "so are you having kids yet??" is: "Well we are... having lots of sex!, but it's not your business on whether or not we're having kids"
I thought it was funny anyway. Haha
#21
18 April 2013 - 01:15 PM
#22
18 April 2013 - 01:39 PM
I just need to say enough is enough. I didn't know how much hate I would get everytime I told someone I don't have children. I'm 32 years old and made the decision long ago not to have children of my own, this stemming from having to help raise my unruly sisters and brother. I've been in a relationship with my guy, who also doesn't want to have children, for 11 years. We're happy and content but we get a lot of grief from family members, friends, and even complete strangers about out decision. I've been told that I'll regret it, it's just a phase, I don't like children, or I'm selfish. Selfish? For not wanting children. Really? I don't think you should have a child just so you have someone to "take care" of you when you're older. I just never knew that it was my womanly duty to have children. I don't humans are in any danger of extinction currently. The selfish comment is what pushed me over the edge. It happened recently when I went shopping for boots. I was purchasing these great boots for $150, it was my splurge plus I'm a medical professional who can pay me rent, pay my car and bills, put money into savings and still have left over to buy my boots. The lady next to me, who's kid was running around the shop, asked if I had any. I told her no, I playfully said I'd rather indulge my shoe fetish. She said sorely, having children is better than shoes, that's just selfish. I said, lady it was a joke, I have 10 nieces and nephews, I work in pediatrics, I'm around children everyday. She just snorted and left. Way to judge much?
I find it to be selfish to keep bringing children into a world that is overly populated, ravaged with debt and destruction to the enviornment and is falling into complete shit. Not to mention many children are not wanted and do not have even close to decent parents. We have no children and never wanted any - although we DID think 'maybe we do' and did try at one point with no result and truthfully Im thankful it was not to be. Our lives revolve around US and we like it that way. It is not selfish - it is logical and practical and just the way we WANT our lives. We do what we want andf spend our time and money the way we want. We enjoy life. We cant miss kids we never had so the 'you dont know what you are missing' argument is totally moot.
She was probably jealous that you have the ability to splurge on shoes, can go to the movies any moment you want and are in control of your own life meanwhile shes stuck wiping up snotty noses and pee and dealing with temper tantrums as her own life is lost in the chaos. I love my nieces and nephews and I do spoil them to bits but thankfully I can return them after a weekend. So, people just need to shut the fuck up and realize not everyone finds children amazing. People who have kids always say they can not imagine their life without the kids, despite the craziness, and I respect that but some of us can not imagine our life WITH kids and that does not make us dellusional.
Anyways, it is your decision and thats between you and your spouce/other and it is no one elses buisness.
""If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie. However, if a mummy bites you, all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite..."
Dellamorte Dellamore ... 'Of Death of Love'
#23
18 April 2013 - 02:36 PM
#24
18 April 2013 - 03:29 PM
I'm so glad I have such support in this forum, I love coming to this site, the people are so understanding and funny. And the Admins are the best! It's just I had a lot of responsiblities growing up. By middle school I was buying groceries and cooking dinner, by high school I was holding my parent's paychecks so I could pay the mortgage and utilities. My dad was in the military and gone half the year while my mom worked 2 sometimes 3 jobs everyday. With 3 sisters and an annoying older brother, everything was left to me to do. I decided then and there I didn't want children and there is nothing wrong with that. Problem is that between my 4 siblings, I have 10 nieces and nephews and they still hound me to add my own to the bunch. I rarely go to their houses so I don't have to hear it.
They hound you because they were not the ones acting like an adult/parent in high school. They did not have those pressures and responsibilities so they can not understand where you are coming from. They can try and empathize or relate now as parents with their own kids, but will never really be able to understand you. And they do not understand/comprehend that just because everyone is on auto-pilot with what was (and still is in a way) perceived as the 'norm' they do not understand how anyone can live 'outside the box' of - Finish school. Get married. Procreate. People just do what generations before us did without any real thought as to what is happening.
But statistically more and more couples are waiting longer and/or choosing not to have children and it is becoming much more common and I believe that will continue. Regardless, it is still not anyone else business what you do. You are in control, you live life the way you want to live. It is over to quickly to waste time worrying about what others think.
""If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie. However, if a mummy bites you, all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite..."
Dellamorte Dellamore ... 'Of Death of Love'
#25
18 April 2013 - 06:28 PM
although i have two boys my mother was upset at me for neutering my self without giving "Her" a granddaughter. I basiclly said lifes tough plus ya got another son and daughter. Ms omen and i had our kids 3 yrs after we got hitched. we were still young, now we are in our 30s and our kids are older and we have alot of freedom that most of our friends that waited dont.
when we got married i told her ill get ya preggers as many times as ya want but after 33 the factory is shutting down.
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