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#1
StrollingDead

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Okay, I searched for something like this and came up empty so here goes- if anybody wants to claim priority, please do- and I'm trying to focus on WD jokes, not generic Zombies, but feel free to post either. Mine are mostly old groaners with a WD twist Something to offend everyone...

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because it didn't want to get tossed into the barn.

Q: At Otis's memorial sevice, why did they play all the songs he had written for his guitar backwards?
A: Because he wasn't composing, he was decomposing.

Q: What kind of party did Shane propose throwing for the Walkers on Hershel's farm?
A: A real barn-burner.

--------------

So Lori tells Shane she's pregnant, and he says "Wait a minute , didn't you drink a lot that night at the CDC?"
Lori: "No, I just had a little wine."
Shane: "What else is new?"

(read it out loud)

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Darryl is trying to teach Andrea to use the crossbow, and he tells her to first straighten out the bolts, which are all dumped in a big pile.
He comes back a few minutes later and discovers she's laying some of them straight, but throwing a bunch of them away.

"What the hell ya doin'?" he asks.
"Well on those ones, the pointy thingy is on the wrong end." Andrea says.
Darryl busts out laughing: "I guess it's true what they say, that blondes are dumber than rednecks. Those ones are for the Walkers comin' up behind you!"
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#2
StrollingDead

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Maggie...

Q: Why didn't the Walker who attacked Andrea in the woods attack Maggie too?
A: She batted first.

Q: Why, at the barn, did Maggie wait for everybody else to stop shooting before she stepped up to attack the Walkers?
A: She wanted to be the clean-up batter.

Q: What happened when Maggie found out the unmarried pair on the next farm had turned into Walkers?
A: She hit a couple of singles.

Q: What did Maggie do when she found out both sets of twins at her old school had turned into Walkers.
A: She hit a couple of doubles.

Q: What did Maggie do when the Walker attacked her so quickly she only had time to swing at his crotch?
A: She hit a couple of foul balls.

Edited by StrollingDead, 12 January 2012 - 04:47 AM.

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#3
StrollingDead

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What do you get when...

Q: What do you get when Glen is out in the woods looking for Sopha and he comes across a walker?
A: A walker and a runner.

Q: What do you get when Glenn and Maggie are out in the woods looking for Sophia and they come across a walker?
A: A walker, a runner, and a batter.

Q: What do you get when Glenn, Maggie, and Otis are out in the woods looking for Sophia and they come across a walker?
A: A walker, a runner, a batter, and a catcher.

Q: What do you get when Glenn, Maggie, and Otis are out in the woods looking for Sophia, they come across a walker, and Carol brings them out a big jug of lemonade to say thank you?
A: A walker, a runner, a batter, a catcher, and a pitcher.

Q: What do you get when Andrea is out in the woods and she comes across a walker?
A: A limper.
( All right, all right, her aim is getting better)

Q: What do you get when Sophia is out in the woods and comes across a walker?
A Two walkers.
(Boooh!)

Q: What do you get when Rick and Herschel are out in the woods and they come across two walkers?
A: Rick, Herschel, and two walkers.

Q: What do you get when Shane is out in the woods and comes across two walkers?
A: Shane.

Q: What do you get when Herschel is out in the woods by himself and comes across a walker?
A: 200 pounds of baloney.

----------------------

So Dale is out patrolling the woods, and he comes across Shane and a walker.

Dale says, "What are you doing hanging out with that foul, filthy, vicious, vile, rotten remnant of what used to be a human being?"
So Shane says, "Aw, c'mon, for a walker he's not that bad."
And Dale says : "I was talking to the walker."

Thank you, thank, I'll be appearing at the Hayloft in Herschel's Barn till Friday- and when the crowd there eats you up, they really eat you up.
This weeks buffet special: Chicken, All-U-Can-Catch, and it won't cost you an arm and a leg (hopefully).
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#4
Xfirekeenmike

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Thank you, thank, I'll be appearing at the Hayloft in Herschel's Barn till Friday- and when the crowd there eats you up, they really eat you up.
This weeks buffet special: Chicken, All-U-Can-Catch, and it won't cost you an arm and a leg (hopefully).

I loved all of it. Some I didn't get but this last part made up big.

What do you get when a walker bites Chuck Norris?

The walker turns into Chick Noris.

A Texas Ranger Walker.

or Walker, Texas Ranger.
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#5
Merle Dixon

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yoo otis hows that leg feeling???

sorry cant hear you over the sound of zombies eating your face!!!

LMAO


hey otis you got a little something on your face (zombie horde)

Edited by Merle Dixon, 12 January 2012 - 01:22 PM.

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#6
Merle Dixon

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(me asking a friend at school)

Me: so what do you think about T-dog?
Friend: Who?????
Me: *sigh* the black guy who said (T-Dog accent) "OWWWWHHHHHHH SHEEEEEITTTTT"
Friend: OH i love that dude!!

(this one is fake)

Me: hey do you like otis?
friend: who??
me: fat guy, from season 2?
friend: not ringing a bell
me: shot carl.........
friend: i thin.....
me: ZOMBIE FOOD
friend: OHHHHHH NOW I REMEMBER
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#7
VulpesInculta

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1326374439[/url]' post='27714']
yoo otis hows that leg feeling???

sorry cant hear you over the sound of zombies eating your face!!!

LMAO


hey otis you got a little something on your face (zombie horde)



1326374853[/url]' post='27715']
(me asking a friend at school)

Me: so what do you think about T-dog?
Friend: Who?????
Me: *sigh* the black guy who said (T-Dog accent) "OWWWWHHHHHHH SHEEEEEITTTTT"
Friend: OH i love that dude!!

(this one is fake)

Me: hey do you like otis?
friend: who??
me: fat guy, from season 2?
friend: not ringing a bell
me: shot carl.........
friend: i thin.....
me: ZOMBIE FOOD
friend: OHHHHHH NOW I REMEMBER


Posted Image


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My safety word is blueberry pancakes

#8
Xfirekeenmike

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If these guys ever get bit near you watch out.
The Jabber Walkers Dance Crew.
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#9
Merle Dixon

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If these guys ever get bit near you watch out.
The Jabber Walkers Dance Crew.


sorry mike, ive been trying to hold this back for a while but i have no choice.

ive got a question to ask you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZWzQH-5vt4w&feature=related

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#10
Merle Dixon

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Posted Image





lol the best part is that the t-dog thing actually happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i asked my friend after the season finale ahahah
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#11
Xfirekeenmike

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If Merle Dixon was a walker.
What sounds funnier than Merle Dixon Walker?
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#12
StrollingDead

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Some 'splainin'

Some of them only work in sequence

Rick, Herschel and the 2 walkers only works if it leads into the Shane joke i.e. Rick's a wimp.

I was tempted to add
Q: What do you get when Shane comes across Rick, Herschel, and two walkers in the woods?
A: Shane

...for all those who feel Shane's a little off the deep end.



Shane and Lori should be rewritten something like:

Lori tells Shane she's gonna have a baby and after ranting and raving he does some calculations, and says "Hey, doesn't that mean you were pregnant at the party at the CDC? Won't that hurt the baby?"
And Lori says, "No, I just had a little wine."
So Shane says, "Yea, I remember that, but did you drink any alcohol?"

Referring to some posters view of Lori as a whiner.

The Andrea/Darryl one is a little strained, you have to imagine Andrea picking up the crossbow bolt and looking to see if the arrowhead is pointing towards her or not.

It helps if you know the original, which is about 2 _______s (fill in the ethnic minority) hired as roofers. They start pounding in the nails, but one _____ keeps looking at each nail first, and throwing half of them away.
The other asks him what he's doing, and he says "Those ones have the point on the wrong end."
"Boy, are you stupid," says the other _______, "those are for the opposite side of the house."

Another Maggie:

Q:What did Maggie do when the walker got her bat away when she was making a store run?
A: She made a home run.

Another variant of an old stinker:

Herschel finally trusts Glenn to put a walker in the barn, and tells him to also take a couple chickens down for food .
He's walking down the path with Maggie, who says coyly," You know, Glenn, I'm almost afraid to be alone with you like this.
Why, you might try to take advantage of me."

Glenn says " I've got a chicken under each armpit, a walker on a catchpole in one hand and a pitchfork in the other to keep him moving. How could I possibly take advantage of you?"

"Maggie says, "Well you could always break the chickens' legs, stick the pitchfork in the ground and tie the catchpole to it, couldn't you?"
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#13
Mr.Misery

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I thought jokes were supposed to be funny. I have not laughed at any of these. ;)
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#14
VulpesInculta

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1326475341[/url]' post='27817']
I thought jokes were supposed to be funny. I have not laughed at any of these. ;)


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Agreed.


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My safety word is blueberry pancakes




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